Help Wanted

[haemosexual]

Subject: Help Wanted
Date: 5 Sept 125
Time: 02:20:58
By: 318 - 1888

WANTED, a respectable Human Person of any sex as ASSISTANT to GENTLEMEN. Required to be of strong mental and physical constitution. Must be able to read and write, be well acquainted with domestic service (e.g., laundry, cleaning; cooking not required), and fully housebroken. Work involves late hours and occasional duties as arbiter. Butchery skills preferred. Wages to be discussed. For particulars, enquire by telephone in the evening until 4 o'clock in the morning.

Subject: HELP WANTED
Date: 5 Sept 125
Time: 02:21:01
By: 129 - 3996

HELP
NEED MAN SLAYV OR WOMAN SLAYV FOR GENTLEMAN OR SUMPREME VIZAORY NOW!!  NO MUNNY!!! FREE CHIKKEN.
MUST BE STROWNG BODDIED AND KIND. BED PRAVIDED FOR SLEEPING ETC. 

BANAFITS: 
HANSUM MASTARS
NO MUNNY 
LIEFLONG FRENDSHIP AND LOYLETY.

Comments

537 - 8661, re: Help Wanted

[sanguineus]

Well, this isn't inherently suspicious or anything. And a pointed narrowing of your available pool of applicants.

[haemosexual]

Perhaps fully housebroken is a bit of a steep request.

[sanguineus]

A surprisingly extravagant request these days. An even-tempered human butcher without incontinence.

[haemosexual]

I am willing to conduct lessons in butchery, though this is why I shan't compromise on the requirement of mental fortitude. I simply cannot have an Assistant who will swoon at the sight of blood.

537 - 8661, re: HELP WANTED

[sanguineus]

Unfortunately, the value of frenship and loylety has greatly depreciated over the years, as tempting as "free chikken" is. Are you trying to "hire" a kobold?

[delaurentiis]

who is koblod? plees answer

[sanguineus]

One of the few creatures on this plane who might work for "no munny". Though they are severely lacking in the "strowng boddied" and "kind" categories.

[delaurentiis]

were are kolbods kept??? banera bead?

389-9915, re: HELP WANTED

[alwaysme]

Inquiring minds want to know: is the chicken alive or dead?

[delaurentiis]

raw chikken in wrappings

316 – 2222, re: HELP WANTED

[crimebaby]

WWhat is

a vizaory?

316 – 2222, re: HELP WANTED

[crimebaby]

Sorry About that this is hard to

type on.

[delaurentiis]

SOUPREME VICERY IS a positon of GRATE INFLOOENCE.
like a KING or BAKSET BALL PLAER.

DO YOU WANT JOB??

777 – 5835; re: HELP WANTED

[gamboler]

That's not how slavery works, my friend.


Sorry. Slayvry.

[delaurentiis]

ok.

ar you interessted?

[gamboler]

Absolutely I am!

Tell me more about the work I'll be doing.

129 - 3996, re: HELP WANTED

[godjr]

Nandor, slavery is WRONG. I know you're old, but that's not nice. Also you have to give people a living wage!

voice;

[delaurentiis]

Mm? Sounds like a cultural difference. I think it should be okay, because I am asking. Not telling.

voice from now on

[godjr]

I don't know, I'm pretty sure it's still wrong. Even servants made money.

111-1986; re: HELP WANTED

[vecna]

[W...hat.]

Free chicken? Well, that makes it all worth it.

[delaurentiis]

y es,

are you stronge?

[vecna]

[Playing along, because why not. He’s mean.]

Oh, yes. Very strong. I can lift very heavy objects.

652-8621, re: help wanted

[mississippis]

This doesn't feel legal.

How many not-housebroken humans do you know?

[ Sure, because that's the truly alarming thing here. ]

[haemosexual]

I am a barrister and can assure you, it's perfectly legal. [dont ask when the last time he looked at a law book was.]

Humans are constantly pissing everywhere. Visit New York City sometime.

[mississippis]

I have.

I make sure to bring Clorox wipes to clean off everything before I touch it.

Wait.

Aren't you the guy who's a surgeon or something too?