diademnet | Help Wanted

Entry tags:

Help Wanted

Subject: Help Wanted
Date: 5 Sept 125
Time: 02:20:58
By: 318 - 1888

WANTED, a respectable Human Person of any sex as ASSISTANT to GENTLEMEN. Required to be of strong mental and physical constitution. Must be able to read and write, be well acquainted with domestic service (e.g., laundry, cleaning; cooking not required), and fully housebroken. Work involves late hours and occasional duties as arbiter. Butchery skills preferred. Wages to be discussed. For particulars, enquire by telephone in the evening until 4 o'clock in the morning.

Subject: HELP WANTED
Date: 5 Sept 125
Time: 02:21:01
By: 129 - 3996

HELP
NEED MAN SLAYV OR WOMAN SLAYV FOR GENTLEMAN OR SUMPREME VIZAORY NOW!! NO MUNNY!!! FREE CHIKKEN.
MUST BE STROWNG BODDIED AND KIND. BED PRAVIDED FOR SLEEPING ETC.

BANAFITS:
HANSUM MASTARS
NO MUNNY
LIEFLONG FRENDSHIP AND LOYLETY.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Well, this isn't inherently suspicious or anything. And a pointed narrowing of your available pool of applicants.

Unfortunately, the value of frenship and loylety has greatly depreciated over the years, as tempting as "free chikken" is. Are you trying to "hire" a kobold?

Perhaps fully housebroken is a bit of a steep request.

A surprisingly extravagant request these days. An even-tempered human butcher without incontinence.

I am willing to conduct lessons in butchery, though this is why I shan't compromise on the requirement of mental fortitude. I simply cannot have an Assistant who will swoon at the sight of blood.

Oh, now you do seem fun. Though "respectable" might be the hardest criteria to fill out of all your requirements.

Rather, I'm not interested in having an Assistant with baggage. Or at least none I'm expected to deal with.

Then you might want to remove "human" from your call to help. They all come with some skeletons.

Have you ever considered gnomes?

Inquiring minds want to know: is the chicken alive or dead?

No. Because they don't exist.

If only, darling. If. Only.

WWhat is a vizaory?

Sorry About that this is hard to type on.

That's not how slavery works, my friend.

Sorry. Slayvry.

Nandor, slavery is WRONG. I know you're old, but that's not nice. Also you have to give people a living wage!

Shall I open it to brownies and pwca as well? Fuck off.

Oh I envy you. To think of a world where I've never had the misfortune of discovering a whiny gnome when I just want to get on with my day.

But if you need something to push around, you'll find nothing better.